What happened so far
As the two little kids Hansel and Greta were left in the middle of the forest, they had nothing but their GPS signal on their iPhone to find the way back home. But the moment the signal got lost, well, they were fuxxed! In order to find a way home anyways, they decided to accept the challenge and started to look for the witches gingerbread cottage. Having tasted the 1000 years old bread, finally the witch appeared and invited them in.
One hour of radio!
HANSEL AND GRETA
A new interpretation of an old and dusty fairy tale
Walking into the tiny little gingerbread house, Greta overcome the impression that the size of the house wasn’t the only thing the production company had tried to save some money with! “Who is responsible for this horrible interior design!?” Greta asked in shock.
“This is not in the script! I repeat! This is not in the script! Greta! How often do we need to tell you this!? Just say your text! How difficult can that be!?“someone from behind the camera was shouting!
Everything on the beginning! Attention! Inside the gingerbread house, take 37 and action!
“You must be hungry, my little kids? Do you want me to cook something for you?” “Have you heard that, Greta? She wants to cook something for us! And I thought she wants to cook us alive!” “She wants to cook us, you idiot! But not today! She will feed you first, so that you become more fat!” “Really!?” “Yes, and now shut up! She will otherwise hear you talking all the time!” “Don’t talk so much, bla bla blaaaaa! This is worse than school!“
“Ehm, yes! Please! I mean, if it isn’t too much work for you, we would like something to eat!” “Too much work? Please! I am an old woman! And old woman love to cook! What do the children eat these days? Chicken McNuggets with fries?“
“Chicken what? No! We are vegans! Something without meat, please!” Greta replied with a disgusted face! “Vegans!?” the old witch screamed loudly! “What a waste! Ehm shame!” “Our dad is a biologist, you know! We think that this is the best solution for both, the animals and the humans!”
“You poor little snobs! Today is your lucky day! You will eat meat! Lot’s of meat! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA” The witch added with an evil sounding laugh! “Do you have an iPhone charging cable? I need to charge my phone!” Hansel through into the room! “A what? Oh my poor little kids, you must have been lost in the forest for quite some time! Look, you speak about strange things all the time. You must have hallucinations!“
“Hallucinations? What is wrong with her? I just asked for a charging cable, not for an explanation how chem trails work!” “Hansel, shut up! Does this cottage look like it has electricity to you? This is a witch for Christs sake! She doesn’t need a smartphone and stuff like this!
“Oh, you are so right! We were wandering around so long! I must have lost my mind!” “Don’t you worry! Dinner will be ready every second!“
“Dinner is ready! Greta, can you please help me real quick here next to the oven?” The old woman asked! “Why do you know my name! Have you googled me?” “EHMMM…. Googled? What? No, I have not guggelied you or whatever you said! I do not even know what this is supposed to mean! It just came to my mind!“
“Whatever, sure!” And Greta walked up the the old woman, that was opening the oven in front of her! “Greta! This is our chance! Push her! Come on!” Hansel was screaming from the back! “Come on! Help me!” Greta replied! “One, two, three! Put her in! Let’s go!!“
AAAHHHHHHH turned into PUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!
Green smoke came out of the oven as Hansel locked the door.
“The witch is gone! The witch is gone!” Hansel was singing happily and added “Good job Greta!” But Greta did not seem to be too happy about this! “What’s the matter, Greta?” Hansel asked. “IT WAS TOO EARLY!” Greta yelled back! “The time has not come yet! This is it! The end! We will never find the way out of this fairy tale now!“
“Too soon? Really! Sorry! I thought, well…” “You thought? No! You did not! Because you never think! Leave me alone!”
As Hansel enjoyed the most wonderful tasting Chicken he had ever had, Greta walked excitedly around the little cottage. “There must be a solution! We need to find a way out of this! Think! Greta! Think!“
As the night has reached the forest, they both were still unable to find a solution. “Ah, don’t worry! We will just spend the night and walk home tomorrow! We will just go into one direction until the GPS signal is back on the phone!“
“You idiot! Your iPhone battery is dead my then! We need to go now! Come on!” And they both started to walk.
Meanwhile the moon had already risen to the top of the sky, illuminating the forest so that they could see! “Greta look! Where is this smoke coming from?” “Don’t worry Hansel, that are just the fog machines that are supposed to make the scene look more dramatic!” “Don’t worry!!! This scene looks pretty much spectacular! Like the beginning of a very bad horror movie! Two kids walking alone through the forest by night. The moon is shining brightly at the sky, the fog starting to find its way through the trees!” “But this is not one of your horror movies! This is a fairy tale!” “And that tells us what? Have you forgot? The author is a real freak! I don’t trust this situation! Let’s just go home!” “What do you think we are doing here? Doing some sport or what?“
As the fog grow thicker, the kids soon started to feel the distance in their legs! “I need a break! Come on Greta! Just five minutes!” “Well, whatever! OK!“”Thank you! You are the best!“
“This way! Come on! But be careful! Don’t fall over those bushes!” “I don’t plan on doing so! AHHHHHH! What is this! There was something! A figure! A small figure! I could clearly see it! Right over there!” Hansel shouted excitedly, pointing to a nearby tree! And added “I don’t go any further! GRETA! What was that?” “Oh come on! There was nothing! Your mind might have tricked you!”
“Exactly! Your mind might have tricked you!” A deep voice was clearly heading from the direction of the tree Hansel was still pointing to!
And they ran! And ran! And ran! Twenty minutes must have gone by since they had heard the voice! “Is it following us?” “I don’t think so!” “What was that? A dwarf? A fairy? A speaking animal? God?” “Ah come on! Such things do not exist!” “Have you forgot? This is a fairy tale! Things like this exist here! We are in a enchanted forest!” “Oh, right! Maybe it was a unicorn, can we go back and ask for a insta story with it?” “You fool! This thing would rather kill you instead of standing next to you with a smile!“
“Unicorns are friendly! Don’t worry!” The forest repeated!
And they started to run again! As the trees were rushing by, Greta noticed that the view got wider! “Look! The end of the forest is near! Just through this bush over there! The end of the forest is close!“”We did it! We found the way out of the forest!” “Ehm, Greta, do you see what I see?” Greta turns herself around!
“What are those?” “Eyes! Greta! Those are eyes!” “But eyes of what?“
The two kids were wrong. This was not the end of the forest, this was only a forest clearing. But now, they had a bigger problem! They were encircled by red shimmering eyes!
“Look, they are everywhere!” “What should we do?” “I will ask again! But eyes of what?“
But nothing happened! “EYES OF WHAT?” Greta was shouting now.
“EYES OF US!” A loud voice echoed from the trees! “You shall not leave this forest alive!” The evil voice added as the eyes went dark for a split second, before dramatically coming back and starting to move towards the kids.
“THIS IS OUR END!” “What should we do?” “Running doesn’t seem to be an option! Look! They are getting closer!“
Bathed in sweat, Greta woke up from a dream! OhGod! What was that? Thank God, it was all just a dream! As her heartbeat went down through the roof again, she finally seemed to calm down a little bit and recover from the shock!
“But wait a second, where am I? The gingerbread house!!!!!!!! OHH NOOOO!”
Greta woke up again, this time she really woke up! “Greta, Greta! Wake up! It is your big day today! You will sail to the climate conference to the US!” “Oh come on mum! Really? Why can’t I travel by plane like any other girl in my age?” “Because you are not any other girl! You are our special girl!“
And what do we learn out of this story? Don’t be like Greta! Don’t sail to the US! Go to school on Fridays! Learn as much as possible at school! And please! For Christs sake! Don’t you even dare to study something unhelpful like biology! Make your parents happy and study mechanical engineering! 😂😂😂😂🥳🥳🥳
See you next time!