6 am is the time to get up. At least that was his fathers strongest opinion. He never liked the idea but wanted to impress him anyways. Will his body ever adapt? He can not afford to think about that. It’s time. A shrill sound. That is what usually pulls him out of his dreams. But not any longer. With his eyes wide open he is staring into the darkness above. The night sweat was more dramatic than ever. His hearth beating fast and irregular. No! He didn’t want to go! He just didn’t. He wanted this all to stop! To end! If necessary with force! He can still remember the time when it all has started. He couldn’t tell anyone of course, but today he definitely can not talk about it! A ceiling, it must be up there somewhere high above in the sky. He tried to change his focus. He always tried! But the past experiences have clearly shown that it doesn’t work. And it got worse! Day by day!
He cried at night underneath his blanket. Not because he wanted to hide, but because the blanket absorbed some of the loudest of sob’s he couldn’t prevent from reaching the outside. Under no circumstances can they know! He has to hide! He has to continue to act as if everything is ok. And it was supposed to be like that. He could see it, feel it, hear about it. They all had to go through it! They all experience the same pressure! But he? He couldn’t deal with it any longer! It was too much! The expectations to high! He didn’t want to disappoint them. Under no circumstances could he disappoint them. They have invested so much time, money and energy! They have planned everything! They know what is best for me! They have to! They care about me! His eyes were ready to absorb the first rays of sunlight when he could hear it outside. They are awake and soon, it will start all over again…
Footsteps in the hall. Ten, nine, eight, the click of a light switch! He was counting backwards excitedly pulling his blanket close. Light coming through the keyhole already. It will be a knock at the door. It was always the same, day in day out. His nightmare, it starts now! People call this life? He can not understand! Seven, six, five, the footsteps are getting closer. As quickly as possible he wiped away the dried out tears on his cheek and stared in the direction of the door. Three, two, one. The knock at the door appeared. The door didn’t move, but he knew that she was there. “Good morning honey, ready for school?”
See you next time!