#887² MEDITATION 4.0² – S5 E4 – I TRIED

What’s the point of doing it, when we do not feel any progress?

Giving up was never an option and so I have tried it for years. Today, I can finally announce that … I am still not one step closer to where I wanted to be. This mind of mine, hell, it’s out of control.

I wasn’t expecting it to be easy, really! I knew that it will be a struggle! But come on! You can’t be serious! The problem of mine is an internal one. I am a perfectionist. I just like to be in control! And of course this includes my little brain! But unfortunately I am not there yet.

That I have become better at it over time shouldn’t be a surprise. Just imagine all those hours I have invested. Of course I might some progress here and there. But the big breakthrough? Well, I am still waiting for that one to come!

Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels.com

I have to work on myself. I have to get this one thing right! But how? What can I do differently? On what do I still miss out on? I do not see the forest for the trees? Well, at least I feel the pain when hitting them!

I tried so hard, but maybe not hard enough? Maybe it’s the approach? Or a combination of it all? I should figure out a way to cheat! I always figured something out. I can race on my simulator for hours without end. My brain is totally in control on the track, but what about daily life?

My mum always say that I should get a dog. And sure, a dog would teach me how to live in the present moment. The problem? Just thinking about getting a dog causes things to get out of hand. My brain jumps from one conclusion to the other, causing me to end up feeling more stressed out with a dog than without.

Well, I would love a dog, of course! But I do not have the time! Sure, I am working from home, don’t travel and do a lot of sport outside. But it’s just something else. It’s called priorities! And so, this thing about mediating is just not at the top of my list, honestly. It’s not priority number one, when in fact it should be at least somewhere on the podium.

What will I do differently? What will I change? The priority!

See you next time!

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