Yes, I know. Pressure is the last thing on earth a meditation session needs, but sometimes it is the only way. I do not feel in balance. I do not feel at home. I have this relentless mind that can not hold still. I know that this has to change, but how?
Forcing myself to do things works, it has always worked and it will always work. But with the meditation thing here it’s a bit more complicated. Just investing the time and resources it takes is one thing, but if it doesn’t make click somewhere, well, it was just a waste of time.
The goal is to let go. Just being here in the present moment. A situation I do not experience in my every day life. I follow bigger dreams. This can’t be it. I am looking for more, always. I can’t enjoy the moment because I do not life in the present moment. I have goals to reach. I have so many things to do. I know that this is the wrong approach. I know that this can not be the solution. Life will not get better, in fact it will get even worse. But I can’t change it. I can’t stop myself from being who I am.
I can do other things to distract myself. I can try to keep my head busy. It all works, true, but ain’t gonna solve the problem. The problem is here. I know what it is. I even know how to solve it, but I just can’t change my behavior. I can’t stop this mind. I have to but I can’t. It will take time. Sure, great excuse. But it will really take time. I have the time and I guess I have to invest it this time.
See you next time!