dream | act | succeed

My life is pretty much settled these days. But it’s not completely settled and that seems to be the problem. I was never a fan of the unknown. Not being in control, or at least feeling like I am not in control is a struggle for me. In recent months I have noticed that I am constantly under stress. Stress that mainly comes from two sources. The first is myself, the other is my health. What was first? Of course I happened first. Since the early days of my childhood that have this thing inside of me. I put myself under pressure. It’s a way of moving forward in life. And sure, it helped me a lot to get to the point where I am today. The only problem is that it clearly also has an effect on my health and general wellbeing. I urgently have to find a strategy how I can start dealing with going through situations in my life that cause my body to react to them. Today is a good example. Today is a great day. The sun is already up even though it’s something between 7 in the morning. It’s a Sunday and we are about to drive to Frankfurt today. The RS3 is fueled up and driven in. There will be no trucks on the road. This seems to be the perfect day for a road trip. But something isn’t right. Something is bugging me. But what is it? Is it my health issue? Is it my bodies reaction to stress? Is it stress? Is it my inborn way how to feel on those days?

What if it doesn’t even matter what it is? What if the only thing that matters is finding a way how to accept things as they are and adapt accordingly? Not going is always an option, but a bad one. Of course I want to go. Driving is fun! Especially with the RS3. But what is it then? It’s something inside of me. A sensation of anxiety? A sensation of stress? A sensation of worrying about how stupid this trip could be once my health issues are kicking in? In recent weeks I come to the same conclusion. My problem will not suddenly disappear. I need to fight for a solution. And the key to it all is the way I see and go through life. I am a perfectionist with certain things in life, but that’s not the problem. I want to avoid standing out or in someone’s way. That’s a big problem! I need to care less about others and focus more on myself. But the more I focus on myself, the more I can feel that something is off. How did the doctor summarize it last week? There is an imbalance inside of you. Hell yes, guess what I am telling you all the time? The only question is where does it come from? How can I tackle it? I guess we will see! I will pack my things now so that we can go.

See you next time!