#82 Never mind -*Topic Week 5*- Why can’t I calm the fuck down?

In the last two days I had a lot of stress at work. This comes due to the single fact, that I do not have my mind under control. The events I had can be considered as being tough, but not that tough for someone with my experience in doing presentations.

So, why do I lose my control in situations like this? Yes, it is stressful. Yes, you step into the unknown. Yes, there is a risk of failing. But hey! You practiced all your life for this. Over the years, I have gathered a lot of experience with speaking in front of people. I have done hundreds of presentations, even leaded factory tours with 50 people or more. But every single time I face a crowd, or even think about it, I lose my rhythm.

I get into a kind of panicking mode, in which I can not do anything besides suffering and dealing with the consequences. But why is this the case? I mean, it is not that I hate it. In fact, I actually love it to speak in front of people, present something, or talk with them. Why is it so hard for me? Why can I not control it?

In order to improve my life quality, I really need to solve this problem. But how?

I mean, I already made the first step, because I notice the kind of situation as soon as it begins. But after this, I am just a passenger in my own life. I am not in control anymore. My mind gets overwritten by the safety procedure and my body is preparing itself for the impact. I get nervous, can not think clearly anymore and sweat like an animal.

How can I change this? How can I work on this?

Today, I tried to calm myself down. I took a break, went outside and tried to think it trough. Did it work? No. So, what did I do? I got trough the first presentation. What a surprise, I survived and met a colleague afterwards for having a break outside. We talked about old days and caught up on private stories. During that time, I was fine. No problems at all. But the moment I was back with my mind on the topic of having the next presentation, it all went straight back to the panicking mode.

Well, it seems like this is just my mind, because otherwise, I would have those problems in the break as well. So it is not a medical related problem, but rather the uncontrollability of my body and soul.

For the future, I really need to work on this and find a strategy, with which I can get out of this mess.

In the upcoming weeks, I will try to work on this in greater detail.

See you next time!

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