#114 Who am I?

Time is a funny thing. At the beginning we can not wait until we get older, but then, we kind of lose the sense of time and realize this fact way to late in life.

Who am I? This is a really good question.

Yesterday, I received a package from a friend from Italy. 🇮🇹 She wanted to say thank you for the language exchange we have done in the last half year. I was so overwhelmed by the fact, how much energy she has put in it and how I reacted to this seemingly small present. It means so much for me. Oh, if you read this, thank you again!

Well, in my room, there is one drawer in my sideboard that is dedicated to items and things like this. I collect letters from friends and family, tickets from events or museums. While I was laying the letter from my friend inside the compartment, I have seen two photo books which I got at my eighteenths birthday. I couldn’t resist, invested some time and was looking them through.

In the first one, which was a gift from my parents and sister, I can see myself in various stages of my youth. In the other, which is from my ex-girlfriend, I can have a closer look at the time around being seventeen.

But why do I write about this, you are asking?

The person I am today has literally nothing in common with the person I was 5 years ago. Of course there was already a little interest in cars and stuff like this, but not in the way I have developed it over the last couple of years. Looking back at where I come from, I guess I have become a completely new person.

As the years go by, the past seems to blur away. Where once was a clear memory in my head, a huge black hole is now ruling over my personal history.

The longer I think about certain events in my life, the more I recollect. Makes sense, I guess.

The older I get, the lesser I understand my life.

Why are we doing what we do? Where is the sense in all of this?

I stand in front of a mirror. The man that looks back at me is still a kid. This guy in the mirror, just a kid! 24 or 14? Not much has changed!

I am chasing goals. Run from one thing to the other. Step by step. That is the right way, right? Is it?

But why do I do that? What is the reason for all of this? Where will this lead me to?

How others see me? I don’t know. But they do not see me as I see myself.

My life is good. I have everything I need. Ok, my health issues could be somehow miraculously disappear. But besides that little thing, I can not complain.

Who am I?

I can not answer this question. If you would ask my friends, they would tell you something else then I would.

I got my bachelor degree recently! 📜 💪

Am I happy about it? Yes! But really happy? Not really! It was just a step to take. Just one tiny tiny goal on my list. Is this all worth fighting for? I guess time will tell.

Some things never change. Maybe this saying is right. Some things will never change. But others, they will. Priorities change, goals change, dreams change.

I am different, at least compared to “normal” people. Why? Because of my inner drive. Where does this come from? I would say, there is a voice inside me that demands the next steps. I am just a slave of my mind. I set a goal and reach it, no matter what.

Who am I?

This is not important. I, as an individual, I am just one of us. We are important. My life story is neither unique, nor special. Thousands of people have experienced the same, or nearly the same stuff. Millions even much more worse things.

I need to trace back to the roots of my existence. This life is something special. Every life is something special.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

Mark Twain

Who am I? A question, I still can not answer yet.

See you next time!

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