#456 Behind the Blog – S1 E7 – Why are spam Mails always so poorly written?

Disclaimer: The following is a joke and not an actual attempt to help scammers betraying other people. But it feels just so wrong, not helping those kind of people as well.

In a world where we can fly to the moon, dive to the depths of the ocean and build cars that can drive up to 400 km/h easily, where should we put the fuxxing SPAM MAILS?

Photo by Torsten Dettlaff on Pexels.com

Seriously, I don’t get it! Is there a law, or at least a gentlemen’s agreement out there, that SPAM needs to get written in such a bad way, that every idiot can instantly identify it as such?! Honestly! This is the only explanation I can come up with!

It would be so easy! Come one! I just can’t accept any kind of excuse anymore! In a world, where you have google, auto correction and stuff, how is this even possible for those people to make so many mistakes?

But well, this wouldn’t be the dream act succeed blog, if we do not help these poor fellows as well, right? πŸ˜‚

Everyone in this world might have a right to get help, correct? Therefore, today, we will help “Kallie” from Canada! πŸ₯³

Here is what the message says!

If Kallie from Canada might be 25, hot and blonde? I guess she is rather 40, male and from somewhere else!

Ok, Kallie! This is just for you! ❀️

In the following we will go through the complete message, state out the mistakes and suggest some slight improvements. The bold lettered text is always the exact text from the message and might contain writing mistakes. the text after are my thoughts and the italic text is the suggestion for a better version of this message.

Good morning,
Ok, you can of course do that! But maybe it’s not everywhere morning at the same time! I would suggest a time independent greeting, what about:
Hello,

This is Kallie from Canada.
There is a comma after Good morning, therefore, we continue with a small letter!
this is Kallie from Canada.”

I was searing on google.pl, website post related to step-by-step, Than your website website post “Hygiene Kits made!” came up.
Kallie, Kallie, Kallie! What do we made out of that? Your start was so good! But now? Come on! Searing? What does that even mean? You probably mean “searching”? Its the little things, that make the difference, right? But related to step-by-step? And why do you write Than with a capital letter? I don’t get it! Well, at least you have picked the name of one of my posts? No! What! What is FUXXING wrong with you! I have never written a post called Hygiene Kits made! Sure, maybe someone has done this due to the corona situation, but come on! This seems to be very unlikely! My suggestion to you! Don’t use google.pl, now I know definitely that you are not from Poland, but want me to assume that you are from there! And sure, why don’t you use an actual title from one of my blog posts? In the link you have added further down below you have managed to use one of the blog titles anyways! Therefore, please! Use your mind next time!
I was surfing through the internet and found your post about your weekly statistic and honestly, I was impressed!

However, Im a guest blog writer and i am open to become a author to your website.
Ah, I see! You are a blogger yourself! Why haven’t you mention that earlier? But Kallie, especially as a writer, you should definitely focus more on the basics! A writer might know at least the basics of language? Don’t you think? Im, i, a author??? Three mistakes in just one sentences? Poor girl! But what really strikes me here is the fact, that you are applying for a position as a author on my website. Hell no! I don’t want someone like this working for me! Come on! Where is the sprit? The magic? The fire?
“It seems like you are really serious with your project and therefore I would like to join your team, making your blog even better!”

I would love to write website post mostly related to Page backlink checker and , Getting Microsoft Certified ,.
Are you serious Kallie? Really? You had kind of a good start, but now, this becomes hilarious. You want to get Microsoft Certified? What the hell? What do you even mean? Do you want Bill Gates to acknowledge your work? πŸ‘ Come on! You can do better than this!
I have found a passion for “Page backlink, or whatever this is” and would love to focus specifically on this!”

I am a beginner and running a website, where i write website post related to Page backlink checker, , Getting Microsoft Certified , etc.
Well, you are already performing at your limit, don’t you? I can clearly see that you are a beginner! But not only in running a website, but also in how to apply for a job, how to sell something and especially in the English language. Come on dude! Even the google translator is better than you are! Well, I have no clue what you want to say with this backlink-checker whatever, but it can’t be something good! Therefore, you need to explain what it is, or at least pretend that it is something good!
I was a beginner myself and can help you to push your project into the next level.

I also have develoed a website backlink checker web tools that discovers over 500,000 backlinks around the web for your website: Link that might harm your PC if you click on it!
Oh wow! Thank you! You are so kind! What would I do without you!? But well, honestly, I really doubt that YOU have developed such a thing. I don’t know, something seems to be off, you know? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ™ˆ It was more likely the guy that created this scam, but even he might not be in a mental position to actually create anything good.
If you want to figure out more about the backlinks world, feel free to click on the link I added to my message, it will show you exactly what I am talking about.

You are most welcome to visite my website too.
Sure, I would love to, Kallie. But where is your damn website? You might have forgotten the link? Well, why would you mention your website and then forget all about the link? Are you in a rush?
“In order to show you my skills, check out my personal website and read my articles.”

If you want to make me a author to your website, please send me an invitation to my email.
Mhh, well, Kallie… I don’t know how to put this, but between us, well, it didn’t make click… I just do not have a good feeling towards allowing you to actually become a part of this project. You must know, I really appreciate the effort you put into your application. But I guess my blog is just nothing that can be done by people like you. But by the way, where is your email address? How am I supposed to give you any kind of an answer?
If you want me to join your team and supporting you on your mission to the top, feel free to send me an invitation via my email address, which is ….!”

I really wish to work togather and ill be waiting for your positive reply.
Oh god, how sweet! You must be so emotional right now, that you totally forgot to use the google translator in the correct way. togather? Come on! ill be waiting? I guess a professional analyst from the CIA can help us to identify where you are from. But hey, don’t write such strange things. Just say:
I am looking forward to your positive reply.

Thanks for sharing your website post “Hygiene Kits made!”.
No problem! It was a pleasure! Even though I have never actually written anything that might come even close to hygiene kits … but well, we already got that topic covered!
Thank you for making this world a better place with your website.”

Have a nice day and wish you Best of luck with your website.
Wow! The the second sentence in a row that is actually close to being correct. You have really outperformed all of my expectations!
Have a nice day and good good luck with your website.

Kindest Regards
Kallie

Wonderful! What an end! Kallie! You nailed it again!

And there we have it! As you can see! Actually it’s not that hard to write something in a better and more inspired way!

If there is one thing I do not understand in this world, it is the question why SPAM MAILS are always so poorly written. Sure, it’s helping people to identify them as such, but still, why can’t they make a better job? What do they even think?

And what makes matters even worse! I got five of these messages at the same time! HAHAHA πŸ˜‚

I greet: Zaria from Japan, Vanessa from Armenia, Kallie from Canada, Lara from Egypt and Teagan from the Central African Republic.

What a scam! Sending out the very same kind of message five times in a row at the actual same time! You idiot! What is wrong with you!? Who writes such a stupid program that would actually contact the same person five times with the same kind of message?! Honestly! πŸ˜‚ How are you supposed to have any kind of a success with that!?

Well, I guess that’s it for today! I have nothing to add! I hope those scammers get caught and are actually getting sued for what they are doing!

See you next time!

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