#103 “20 minutes writing challenge” #1 – First try

This is a 20 minutes writing challenge. No plan, no skript, no preparation, no topic, just 20 minutes and my Mac, that’s everything it takes for this series. Oh, and don’t forget the melodramatic music. This time it is “Older Chests” from Damien Rice. If you Click the link, you can listen to the song on youtube, but you can also just google the song. You need to be in the same mood, as I will be, so go for it and listening to the song while reading this.

Time

It is evening, my fancy room light aluminates the room in a bright green. Yes, I make experiments with colors and their effect on my mood. Don’t judge me. It is always an evening like this, that let me think. I am 24 now. Why am I doing what I do? A feeling of loneliness and sadness conquered the room. Is that really me, or the music that is playing the same song over and over again in a loop? I don’t know. Normally, I do not listen to music when I write. This distracts me. It lets my thoughts wander around. Focus, idiot. Only fifteen minutes left. Yes, these evenings. These are the moments where I ask myself, is this really who I want to be? Is this the life I wanted to have? Am I still on the right way? The right path?

But where are you? The person on my side? Not here. I can see that! But why is this so hard? Why? I am who I am, but hey, even I deserve some love. It’s over four years already. Can you believe it? Four years! It seems like it was just yesterday, when I was sitting on your bed. For the last time. Yes, it was hard for you as well. I get it. Some nervous exchanges of looks, tears want to run down my cheek. I do not know what to feel. Really. My bags are already packed and leaning against the wall. Is that really it? Is that the end? After all those years? Words? No words are needed. I feel kind of weak, but strong at the same time. It is so tense. I need to go now. It is time. I get it. Get my stuff and walk to the door. My hand already holding the door handle tight. If she would run towards me now. This feeling. No! It is over. It’s too late. I open the door and go out of the apartment.

Outside, tears are running down my cheek. All the good moments we had are rushing by. I get into my car, start the engine and drive away.

Time. Time is a silly thing. This situation, long long forgotten. It seemed. But not really. Time makes you forget. But not the event, just that it happened. But deep in mind. It is still there. It still hurts. It still feels so alive. So unreal. But we, we moved on.

Give me time … I will be fine…

Am I fine. Yes, I am fine. It is just these moments. The light in my room still green and bright. It is late. I should go to bed. But it was wonderful. Thank you for the awesome time. Time, always time. On my mind.

What does the future will bring? I wonder. Time will tell, I guess. Somewhere, somewhere out there. Somewhere, she is there. She must be there. The new girl on my side. I am waiting for you. Some day or another. Some situation. Some sad, funny or strange moment. And then. You will be there. You will be here. In my life. Time. Always time. My alarm is ringing. I need to end now. Love you.

See you next time!

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