If you would have followed my journey with this project here for the last 134 days, you would probably know that it wasn’t and still isn’t very easy for me to do. And I am not talking about the actual task of writing and organizing the posts. I am talking about the publishing and going online thing.
People who know me for quite some time already know, that I do not really see the point in all that online posting. Why? Mostly because I am afraid. I am afraid about your reactions. Afraid about what you will think about me. I mean, I don’t live in Japan and do not need to be afraid about loosing my face, but it still feels very much like that. What will you think about me? What is your opinion? What will you tell the others? How will you talk about me?
All those things are in my head. The funny thing about this? Normally, I really don’t care. Or at least this is what I think about myself, when in fact, this is still bothering me. But what is it? Excitement? Nervousness? Or simply pure fear? Have I ever had a kind of a traumatic moment in my life? Some day, where I was a victim of such a thing? No, I wasn’t. So why am I so afraid about that? Why do I care so much about you and what you might say? Why do I even think about this? Why do I even write about this? This is my life! You can not stop me anyway. I do what I want to do. And deep inside me, I have understood that already. But still, I’m struggling. A lot. Or at least my body.
I am different then most people. I realized that in the last couple of years and everybody who knows me has realized that as well. Do I really worry that much? For people from the outside, it doesn’t look like that. They see me as a confident young champ, reaching one goal after the other as easily as checking my mails. And well, actually that is true, just with the small difference that I am very insecure. I think too much. I reflect on everything, and I really mean everything. My mind goes on and on. But in the end, these thoughts just push me off balance way too easily. A little spelling mistake, not feeling prepared for a presentation? That is enough to question everything, the whole system. Everything that I am doing. Most of the time, routine makes it better. If I have one presentation a month, this presentation bothers me way more, then if I have 10 in a single week. Because all my thoughts will focus on this single presentation and push me off balance rather quickly. So why do I struggle so much with publishing something online? Am I afraid to make mistakes? No, actually that is the secret to my success. You fail, analyze the reason why you failed and then simply avoid this mistake from happening again. So if we are talking about stuff like this, posting something on instagram, posting something on my blog, it still feels so hard to do.
Someone might ask, why do I even do that? When in fact, this stresses myself physically and psychologically? I mean, this is a really good question!
In order to move on, I need to work on my weaknesses!
If I only focus on the things that I can already do, I will always stay the person I am today.
In order to overcome my fears and weaknesses, I need to push through. This is the only way. I have goals I need to reach, but I will not reach them with all those fears still in my life. I need to burn them out! Kill them! Abandon them from my life.
Do you remember my first post? Here it is.
In this blog I want to give you the exact “process”. But not only that, I want to show you the real-world consequences, I want to share the good moments and the bad ones. Very similar to Henry Clay, who ones taught James Pollard Espy a lesson on starting by the letter “A”, I want you to follow me on my journey. Step by step. Day by day.#1 What is this all about? – an Introduction – Dream & Act to Succeed
I made you that one promise! I want to show you the real world consequences, so here we are. This is what I meant.
How hard is it to write a blog post every single day?
To be honest, it is not that hard, at least for me. If a guy is on a mission, nobody can stop him. (That counts for girls as well!) Writing daily, the easiest thing. But only with the right mindset. But this is not where I am struggling. I am still struggling with the going online thing. Publishing something. Getting something out there.
How hard is it to really stand for what you are doing?
Actually not hard at all. I write about my life, about my mindset, about the way I see the world. This is me. This blog, just a part of me, an extension of my brain. It is authentic. Therefore, this is just me talking, or in this case writing. This is not a show, this is the real life.
But how hard is it to show this mindset to your friends and family?
If someone from the other side of the world is reading about your opinions about life, or the way you see the world. Meeh, I don’t care! I will never ever meet that person in real life, that person can think what ever it wants to think. But how about people you actually know? Of course your family will support you somehow or another, trying to not tell you directly in your face, what a fool you really are. And your friends, they are on the same page, right? But what about the people outside that circle? You neighbors, your classmates, the other team members, the people you have grown up with? That is a completely different level. At the beginning, I wasn’t ready for that. So what did I do? I just started this project without telling anybody. Some times, someone was accidentally visiting my website, reading something or not, but they were just people I did not know. Was I ready for really telling this to people? No, not really. Over time, I made quite some improvements, I mean, that is the only reason why you are currently reading this. You wouldn’t have found it otherwise. I decided to go all in, mentioning this thing on Facebook and created an Instagram account.
How will this go on?
I have absolutely no clue, but I guess, over time it will get better and better. And hey! Nobody is reading these days anyways. It seems like books are not interesting anymore. People think they don’t have the time for such old school things. But hey! Why do I even worry, then? If I am lucky, this post will be read by more the five people.
I need to go now, there is workout session waiting for me.
Day by day, step by step, I get more confidence with what I am doing here. I even figured out some ways, how to detect my “negative mindset” and actively work against these thoughts when ever they come up, but still, this is the hardest thing. Let’s call it work in progress…
For you, my situation must be quite easy to solve, because it is always easier to help others if you are not affected by it directly. That is the reason why I am asking you. What do I don’t see? What am I missing? How can I change that problem? Do you have any experience with that? Feel free to give me advice. Your help and support is more then welcome!
To be continued…
See you next time!