These days, life seems to be really strange. One day blurs perfectly into the other. Almost too perfectly if you are asking me. But sure, why should you ask me? Time is playing it’s tricks, but rather against me! Mhh, I must do something wrong here! Really! How come that I am single for that long already? Not even having a single story to tell you in nearly six years of time?
I mean, just being single is not even point that is striking me here! It is more the fact, that there was not even a single moment that would be anything close to what normal people call love. Don’t I miss it, coming out of a long term relationship myself? Sometimes, yes I do! I would lie telling you something else! But do I have this desire? This internal fire? Tricky question! Is that strange? Is that normal? I mean, for sure, I definitely have scrolled through the endless social media feeds looking at all those happy couples traveling the world! But honestly! What the hell?! I should be more thankful for not having this burden in my life, don’t you agree?
Ha, that’s the point. Singles don’t get it, right? They don’t see the positive side of things. They had been hurt! But sure! Everyone has been hurt some time or another, but that’s just an excuse, right? It’s funny to think about it, but actually, I haven’t really focused on this topic recently. And with recently I mean the last six years. I guess, I was too busy doing other things? Or is that just another excuse? Was she just not there? Miraculously appearing next to my racing simulator?
Well, is it an excuse? I don’t know. I mean, I am single for a reason, sure! I have a God damn racing simulator and a daily blog. Should I say more? I guess people like me, or rather like us, they are not supposed to have someone that would only hold them back. Would they hold us back? No! Of course not! But it seems to be such a good excuse! The thing about life is that you are getting older. That your point of view seems to change constantly. I mean, when was the last time I really just lived into the day? Spending some time with someone else. Or maybe even just having a date! Sitting next to someone! God! Are you mad? There is a virus out there! How can you think about such a thing! Laying next to someone else in bed? You have suicide fantasies!?
A date? What is that? Like going on a date with a girl? Are you kidding me! Where should I find a girl for that? Tinder? Or a another dating app? No way! But it’s the future! What! No! If this is the future? Then I rather die alone! I guess I am thinking too much. I try to figure out the perfect process and trying to see parallels where there are no parallels after all. Working with strategies? Sure, works great on my master thesis, but unfortunately not with girls, right? Or at least I haven’t tried that yet.
So, should I tackle this one in the future? Maybe trying to start into my new life with a kind of a challenge? Maybe trying to have a date this year with an actual girl? Tricky. I mean, seems like such a high goal for me already. Maybe I should start with something smaller? Maybe just talking to a girl? And with “talking” I definitely mean texting of course! I mean, who is talking these days to anybody mask to mask? It is the pandemic outside for Christs sake! Stay at home!
But honestly, would I like to have a girlfriend? Actually, yes! But it seems to be so unrealistic. I mean, look at all these expectations I have build up over the years. How can I ask for so much, when I can give only so little? I might look for the holy grail! The girl that might not even exist. But why? Because I want a perfect relationship? Or because I am afraid about having a relationship after all?
This romance stuff is a tricky thing! Once it gets you, you are done! But when it doesn’t reach you! Well, you die alone! As easy as that! In the last six years, I was somehow absorbed by the process of finding to myself. But well, I am not even close to the end of that journey yet. So, is it really the time for me to start off into the early spring dating offensive? God, I need to smile about that one! Ehm, offensive? What? No! I mean, no! Just no! What do you expect? I am not doing this! Come on! That’s silly! Stop it! Don’t you dare!
The truth is, I might be just afraid. Afraid about falling for someone who doesn’t like me after all. Afraid about getting hurt. Afraid about making a mistake. Afraid about destroying my future. Sounds kind of cold! Have I really become that pragmatic! Come on! It’s called life for a reason! Go out! Have some fun! After the pandemic, of course! But that’s the point! I have fun while driving cars. Mostly alone! So, should I look for a girl with a passion for cars then? I guess so! Or maybe not? Mhh, time is up anyways…
I guess, we will find it out! Somehow, somewhen. But anyways! If you know someone who might fit? Ah! just kidding! Oh, do I?
See you next time!